nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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