dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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