trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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