i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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