Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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