whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
