tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
