Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
