She's JV to your varsity
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
