do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
