i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
