Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
