Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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