I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
