ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
