her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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