I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
