She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Randomize
