we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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