so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
she peed on how many people?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
