forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
