brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
