Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
