We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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