I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
