just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
