The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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