o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
