are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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