nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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