Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
We named our party play list daddy issues
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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