U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Randomize
