YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
