i jhust puked up my retainher.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
