The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
