All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
