i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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