Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
