I looked at my own cervix.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
