East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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