I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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