I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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