im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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