the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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