He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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