Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
