I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
