Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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