wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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