All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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