Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
