He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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