i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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