Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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