Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
