Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You need a sexual gate keeper
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
