So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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