he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
