I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
