Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize