Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize