we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
