I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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