You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
