Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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