his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
