But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
